Another new moon rises somewhere out there where I cannot see
In the lightening sky beside the brilliance of the awakening sun
And I think of how many have come and gone
While I’ve sat here in the early morning hours
Silent alone with my old dog now young dog
And wanted to be somewhere else
Longing for home
Permanence if there is such a thing
I have read about but never found
A place to belong
Here I have been forever a stranger in a land that clings to familiars
Familiars which seem so false
Romanticized memories with no solid core
Shallow and shiny
I remember role models of pioneers and brave souls
Strong women willing and able to step away and try
Working the land raising babies and lambs and lettuce
Instead I find myself in a land based on getting away
As I prepare to leave
Shed my skin that has grown tight and weathered
Strip me clean and wash me free
And watch me step out naked and unbound
Stronger and freer than I have felt in years
Leaving
Leaving a land I have known so intimately
Yet knew had no connection to me to anyone else
A masculine rugged and indifferent land
Perhaps with the wider the view the narrower the vision
I have no attachments here
Anywhere
I fear I leave in anger
All I want is a release
Plans finally coming together
This is not the first time
I’ve been through this before
Here
Plans and preparations and packing
The boxes still stacked in the storage shed
Labeled “books” and “kitchen” and “canning supplies”
Wooden shelves Bob and I built years ago
Thick rough cut blued pine on the walls of our living room
Alongside the wood stove where I sit now warming
And in the empty hallway have been left bare all winter
I have refused to move back
I knew it would not last
And really I am glad
I have been gone all year though you can still find me here
My heart left long ago
Finally my body will follow
The iridescent wings unfurl in the morning air